Meh... I knew I wouldn't keep it up. Let's be fair the Xmas gigs were all going pretty well, so it makes dull reading. There was one bad one. Black Friday, the last Friday before xmas. I was at Opus with John Scott, Steve Shanyaski and Steve Harris and the audience were giving us NOTHING.
Not a thing. Not even heckling really. Just sitting there staring and hating us. It's bizarre. I don't understand how a whole room can go like that. Jokes which are normally bankers failed to raise a titter. It felt like they despised us for even trying to make them laugh.
I'm sure Karl Jung would have some stuff to say about it. It's very bizarre though.
Finished my film treatment. Bit nervous about sending it off to the BFC. Got loads to crack on with though, loads of notes on Scallywagga sketches, have to re-write Sunday Lunchers for the Comedy College showcase in April and ... and... not that much to do really.
Oh no, that's it. I'm going to write a five min set for Steve Bishop and try performing him live.
Probably.
Tuesday 30 December 2008
Wednesday 10 December 2008
Well, this is bound to be the kiss of death, but so far so good with the Chrimbo gigs. I've heard some great stories of spectacular deaths, but so far I've managed to avoid them Not for long I'm sure. I've got The Frog and Bucket this Friday and Saturday. That's always a struggle in December: full of xmas parties who don't want to be there listening to people they don't want to listen to when all they really want to do is get wasted on the bosses money, dance like fools and indulge in sexual malpractice.
I've just finished a first draft of a treatment for a film which I'm going to submit to the BFC in the new year. Apparently they have a giant pot of money to help first time feature film writers, to develop scripts. It's an idea I've had knocking around for a while and I'm in love with it. It's a feelgood british comedy. That's all I'm saying. I hope they like it, a friend of mine took them an idea recently and they've given her £12,000 to write the thing.
You have to pay it back if the movie gets made, but a payout like that would certainly make it a lot easier to take a few months out to write the thing.
I've never really written a treatment before. Not a proper one outlining all the beats of the story. I found a few examples here
Some are helpful, some are awful. I found it a weird process and my first draft is actually my third draft. The real first draft was just the story, the second draft was the story with all the problems ironed out and the third draft - which is where it came alive - was where all the emotion and character went in.
That's what I've got at the moment, I'm going to put it away for a week and then do another rewrite of it before sending it off.
Good news this week: I've got some characters in the next series of Scallywagga on BBC3. The doctor says the little bump behind my ear isn't going to kill me and I made the world's tastiest ever roasted red pepper soup.
Bad news this week: lost two TV warm-up gigs because of a change in scheduling which is a real ballache.
I've just finished a first draft of a treatment for a film which I'm going to submit to the BFC in the new year. Apparently they have a giant pot of money to help first time feature film writers, to develop scripts. It's an idea I've had knocking around for a while and I'm in love with it. It's a feelgood british comedy. That's all I'm saying. I hope they like it, a friend of mine took them an idea recently and they've given her £12,000 to write the thing.
You have to pay it back if the movie gets made, but a payout like that would certainly make it a lot easier to take a few months out to write the thing.
I've never really written a treatment before. Not a proper one outlining all the beats of the story. I found a few examples here
Some are helpful, some are awful. I found it a weird process and my first draft is actually my third draft. The real first draft was just the story, the second draft was the story with all the problems ironed out and the third draft - which is where it came alive - was where all the emotion and character went in.
That's what I've got at the moment, I'm going to put it away for a week and then do another rewrite of it before sending it off.
Good news this week: I've got some characters in the next series of Scallywagga on BBC3. The doctor says the little bump behind my ear isn't going to kill me and I made the world's tastiest ever roasted red pepper soup.
Bad news this week: lost two TV warm-up gigs because of a change in scheduling which is a real ballache.
Friday 5 December 2008
one good
See, I told you I'd update it and I'm updating it...
Last night, same venue but different line-up apart from me. That means four comics including compere. All good acts who play top flight circuit clubs.
We had:
One proper death.
One near miss/recovery
One good
One alright.
The crowd were about 90% women. Mainly nurses. I left straight after the show. I imagine some poor men were ripped to shreds in the Printworks last night.
I think tonight is when it starts to get really tough. I'm going on with Fairytale of New York loaded on the CD player so if the shit hits the fan we can have a singsong. that usually keeps the baying mobs happy.
Happy christmas
Last night, same venue but different line-up apart from me. That means four comics including compere. All good acts who play top flight circuit clubs.
We had:
One proper death.
One near miss/recovery
One good
One alright.
The crowd were about 90% women. Mainly nurses. I left straight after the show. I imagine some poor men were ripped to shreds in the Printworks last night.
I think tonight is when it starts to get really tough. I'm going on with Fairytale of New York loaded on the CD player so if the shit hits the fan we can have a singsong. that usually keeps the baying mobs happy.
Happy christmas
Thursday 4 December 2008
bunny
It's Christmas time and that means a stand-up comedians worst nightmare. Playing to drunken works chrimbo parties. It's a weird dynamic because hardly any of them want to see a show so what you get is 60% who just want to spend the bosses money on booze, 10% are the office clown and want the night to be about them, 20% are probably conducting an affair and the remaining 10% are either:
a) Trying to get Tracy from admin pissed in the hope of a snog or...
b) Are Tracy from admin.
Either way none of them want to listen to what you've got to say. Which is horrible, but also good because they pay through the nose and you double your wages. I have to focus on the money because in December I leave each gig feeling like a little bit of my soul has just died.
The story so far - I'm going to update this. No I really am. Not like the Sunday Sport list I was going to post every week, but never got round to - this is going to be a catalogue of Christmas gigs. The good the bad and the ugly.
It started for real last night. Opus, Manchester Printworks. Two large parties in: nurses from a burns unit - comedy gold - a large table of solicitors and some French people. I dunno why either.
It was alright. I got laughs. They were looking the right way and they paid attention. That's it really, nothing more to report. If they're all like that I'll be a happy bunny. I'm back there tonight and through to Saturday. The fun is about to start... I can feel it.
a) Trying to get Tracy from admin pissed in the hope of a snog or...
b) Are Tracy from admin.
Either way none of them want to listen to what you've got to say. Which is horrible, but also good because they pay through the nose and you double your wages. I have to focus on the money because in December I leave each gig feeling like a little bit of my soul has just died.
The story so far - I'm going to update this. No I really am. Not like the Sunday Sport list I was going to post every week, but never got round to - this is going to be a catalogue of Christmas gigs. The good the bad and the ugly.
It started for real last night. Opus, Manchester Printworks. Two large parties in: nurses from a burns unit - comedy gold - a large table of solicitors and some French people. I dunno why either.
It was alright. I got laughs. They were looking the right way and they paid attention. That's it really, nothing more to report. If they're all like that I'll be a happy bunny. I'm back there tonight and through to Saturday. The fun is about to start... I can feel it.
Wednesday 26 November 2008
listy
busy, busy, busy... and not doing anything that exciting really.
I spent three days last week doing a brochure for a bank... yes, a bank. A bloody bank. That's not comedy writing. That's... that's... the thin end of the wedge that's what that is.
Anyway, it's something that needs to be done to pay the bills. And I'm grateful of it at the moment. Of course I'd much prefer to be writing eight episodes and a Christmas special of an original comedy... but at the moment I have a new baby and a wife whose former boss won't pay her maternity because he's decided to wind the company up and now we're having to sue him. All nonsense I could do without.
I've also been pitching stories to the Sunday Sport. Which was kid of the purpose of this post really.
Every Monday I come up with a list of stories - fantastical ridiculous stories - and email them over to the editor Nick Appleyard, who then might commission a few of them.
It's fun to do and certiainly a lot more fulfilling than writing about fiscal philanthropy or whatever it was I was doing.
I'm going to start posting the lists I sent over on here. See if you can guess which ones got commissioned and which ones didn't.
This is the first list I sent over when I first started about four weeks ago:
I'm not going to edit them to try and make myself seem funnier. This is how they went over:
puberty to be put back three years says Europe memo.
taliban the musical to launch on broadway... songs include "I Tora Bora puddycat"
ninja sues islam over burka headgear
Is John McCain, Highlander??? - has the US presidential hopeful been around since the dawn of time? photo casebook shows someone who looks suspiciously like him on bayoux tapestry, as a witchfinder, on deck of titanic etc...
BMW drivers really are idiots, say boffins.
teachers no longer allowed to teach 'English' as government deem it racist, claims leaked memo
Panda baiting - toffs banned from hunting foxes spend hundreds of thousands on sick new pastime buying endangered animals and pitching them into battle..
Hookers to adopt 'toll charge' model. Punters will be charged more depending on the time of day and how far they want to go.
Paedophile called Jeremy Kyle gets abusive letters from people thinking he's the chat show host.
I spent three days last week doing a brochure for a bank... yes, a bank. A bloody bank. That's not comedy writing. That's... that's... the thin end of the wedge that's what that is.
Anyway, it's something that needs to be done to pay the bills. And I'm grateful of it at the moment. Of course I'd much prefer to be writing eight episodes and a Christmas special of an original comedy... but at the moment I have a new baby and a wife whose former boss won't pay her maternity because he's decided to wind the company up and now we're having to sue him. All nonsense I could do without.
I've also been pitching stories to the Sunday Sport. Which was kid of the purpose of this post really.
Every Monday I come up with a list of stories - fantastical ridiculous stories - and email them over to the editor Nick Appleyard, who then might commission a few of them.
It's fun to do and certiainly a lot more fulfilling than writing about fiscal philanthropy or whatever it was I was doing.
I'm going to start posting the lists I sent over on here. See if you can guess which ones got commissioned and which ones didn't.
This is the first list I sent over when I first started about four weeks ago:
I'm not going to edit them to try and make myself seem funnier. This is how they went over:
puberty to be put back three years says Europe memo.
taliban the musical to launch on broadway... songs include "I Tora Bora puddycat"
ninja sues islam over burka headgear
Is John McCain, Highlander??? - has the US presidential hopeful been around since the dawn of time? photo casebook shows someone who looks suspiciously like him on bayoux tapestry, as a witchfinder, on deck of titanic etc...
BMW drivers really are idiots, say boffins.
teachers no longer allowed to teach 'English' as government deem it racist, claims leaked memo
Panda baiting - toffs banned from hunting foxes spend hundreds of thousands on sick new pastime buying endangered animals and pitching them into battle..
Hookers to adopt 'toll charge' model. Punters will be charged more depending on the time of day and how far they want to go.
Paedophile called Jeremy Kyle gets abusive letters from people thinking he's the chat show host.
Saturday 22 November 2008
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
What a week...
First Sarah's car won't work, then the laptop breaks, then my watch breaks and last night the Sky+ broke. I'll be honest, I'm a little bit worried. I'm thinking it might be me next.
Oh, AND I had the monologue piece I submitted to Radio 4 rejected. I'm quite gutted about that because I really liked it and there's nowhere else it could go really. So I'll just have to sit on it for a while. Fairly positive feedback though, just no keen on the continuous single voice format. Apparently they like their comedy and drama to be a break from the "relentless reportage" of their daily output. Ah well.
I've got another idea for radio I'm really keen on. So after I've filled out my funding for for the British Film council to see if I can get some cash from them to write a film idea I have, I'll start work on that.
I did have some good news. Susan Nickson of Two Pints fame asked to see my Sunday Lunchers script and texted Micheal Jacob close to midnight to ask if I could come and do a week on the show. We've turned that into two weeks now. I'm really looking forward to it.
I've got some comedy college pics I'll put up soon.
First Sarah's car won't work, then the laptop breaks, then my watch breaks and last night the Sky+ broke. I'll be honest, I'm a little bit worried. I'm thinking it might be me next.
Oh, AND I had the monologue piece I submitted to Radio 4 rejected. I'm quite gutted about that because I really liked it and there's nowhere else it could go really. So I'll just have to sit on it for a while. Fairly positive feedback though, just no keen on the continuous single voice format. Apparently they like their comedy and drama to be a break from the "relentless reportage" of their daily output. Ah well.
I've got another idea for radio I'm really keen on. So after I've filled out my funding for for the British Film council to see if I can get some cash from them to write a film idea I have, I'll start work on that.
I did have some good news. Susan Nickson of Two Pints fame asked to see my Sunday Lunchers script and texted Micheal Jacob close to midnight to ask if I could come and do a week on the show. We've turned that into two weeks now. I'm really looking forward to it.
I've got some comedy college pics I'll put up soon.
Tuesday 11 November 2008
dinner
Oh... my head.
Comedy college kicked off in style yesterday with a talk from Jon Mountague who runs BBC Comedy North, we then watched an episode of My Family, we'll be spending this week rewriting a first draft script of the show as an exercise. The idea being we'll watch the broadcast episode on Friday and see how ours compares.
There are some WWE wrestlers staying in the same hotel and hundreds of WWE fans. What a bunch of characters they are. They all started trying to get into the hotel. It was like something out of The Warriors. The hotel bar imposed increasingly bizarre rules to try and put them off. At first it was one drink per customer, then it was only one drink per customer and you could only get served if you had your roomcard and something else. Finally there was some sort of password you had to give. It didn't work. When we found out we could only have one drink the collegiates ingeniuosly got around this by making sure their one drink was a bottle of wine.
NOT paid for by the BBC I hasten to add. No chance.
Tuesday we did out first session of brainstorming ideas for the My Family script, then we had a psychotherapist come in and talk about various psychological theories of comedy, Jung's archetypes and... stuff. Quite useful.
And watched an episode of the Gary Shandling show. Never seen it before. Brilliant.
Got a gig tonight in Tyldesely... wherever that is.
Comedy college kicked off in style yesterday with a talk from Jon Mountague who runs BBC Comedy North, we then watched an episode of My Family, we'll be spending this week rewriting a first draft script of the show as an exercise. The idea being we'll watch the broadcast episode on Friday and see how ours compares.
There are some WWE wrestlers staying in the same hotel and hundreds of WWE fans. What a bunch of characters they are. They all started trying to get into the hotel. It was like something out of The Warriors. The hotel bar imposed increasingly bizarre rules to try and put them off. At first it was one drink per customer, then it was only one drink per customer and you could only get served if you had your roomcard and something else. Finally there was some sort of password you had to give. It didn't work. When we found out we could only have one drink the collegiates ingeniuosly got around this by making sure their one drink was a bottle of wine.
NOT paid for by the BBC I hasten to add. No chance.
Tuesday we did out first session of brainstorming ideas for the My Family script, then we had a psychotherapist come in and talk about various psychological theories of comedy, Jung's archetypes and... stuff. Quite useful.
And watched an episode of the Gary Shandling show. Never seen it before. Brilliant.
Got a gig tonight in Tyldesely... wherever that is.
Monday 10 November 2008
Comedy College
It's week 2, Comedy College... starting today. Everyone is coming up from London for a week of talks and stuff at the Macdonald Hotel in Manchester.
If I get chance I'll keep this updated with goings on.
If I get chance I'll keep this updated with goings on.
Friday 31 October 2008
I Tora Bora Puddytat
Bloody hell... I knew I'd let it slide. The thing is I've been really, really busy. which is good. And Blogs are essentially something people with too much time on their hands do. So I've not been doing it. It's always been there though. niggling at the back of my mind. Bloody thing.
Right what's happened? David has been commissioned for a series of Admin. It's gone to his head. He's already started wearing sunglasses at night and answering his front door naked. We're working with some girls developing a script we want to stage as a live show, but ultimately pitch as a sitcom. They are all mental. Seriously. Nice, but mental.
BBC Comedy North have finally decided that we're going to film a couple of the internet shorts I wrote about a man called Steve Bishop who is looking for the love of his life. Which will be nice. I'm to play Steve, but half of one of my eyebrows is missing at the moment after I had an OCD moment the other day and couldn't stop picking it. I know. disgusting. I'm going to have to wait for that to grow back.
The monologue I pained and groaned about has gone off to Radio 4. It's an idea I developed with a friend. He kind of came up with the concept and I came up with a script and the treatment and the ideas which have taken it this far. Apparently the head of development likes the title. I'm not sure how encouraged I should be by that information... but it's got to be good news, surely. Hasn't it.
I haven't touched my Comedy College script since I met with Mr Smoking Room Brian Dooley - bloody lovely fella by the way. Even if he did go to Cambridge. It needs a total rewrite, the next college residential is in two weeks when everyone comes to Manchester. More to be posted as I hear it.
Oh, and speaking of Cambridge I've been asked for sketches for a BBC2 pilot for an ex footlights member. Deadline next week... shit...
What's been taking my time up is a copywriting job I've taken to help pay the bills, AND writing stories for the Sunday Sport.
I have to say the Sport Newspapers took a bit of a battering recently. Since Tony Livesey left they've been all over the show, it's been through a few relaunches but circulation figures have kept dropping. I'm not bothered about the Daily Sport, that's a horrible paper, but the Sunday Sport was once an institution. Before it got loaded with ropey models and lowest common denominator sex stories it was a great funny read. And I'm glad to say it's gone back to form. It's filling out now with funny stories under the guidance of new editor Nick Appleyard, so I've been pitching a few funnies there to try and keep the wolf from the door.
Last week I managed to get a full page with: Taliban the musical to launch on broadway... songs include "I Tora Bora puddycat"
Other stories I got in were: teachers no longer allowed to teach 'English' as government deem it racist, claims leaked memo; Panda baiting - toffs banned from hunting foxes spend hundreds of thousands on sick new pastime buying endangered animals and pitching them into battle; and paedophile called Jeremy Kyle gets abusive letters from people thinking he's the chat show host.
I've just given them an idea about Osama Bin Laden sending Jonathan Ross a message of support (he's in a lot of trouble this week). They want 250 words...
Better get writing. Then off to Leicester Jongleurs for the weekend... huzzah!
Right what's happened? David has been commissioned for a series of Admin. It's gone to his head. He's already started wearing sunglasses at night and answering his front door naked. We're working with some girls developing a script we want to stage as a live show, but ultimately pitch as a sitcom. They are all mental. Seriously. Nice, but mental.
BBC Comedy North have finally decided that we're going to film a couple of the internet shorts I wrote about a man called Steve Bishop who is looking for the love of his life. Which will be nice. I'm to play Steve, but half of one of my eyebrows is missing at the moment after I had an OCD moment the other day and couldn't stop picking it. I know. disgusting. I'm going to have to wait for that to grow back.
The monologue I pained and groaned about has gone off to Radio 4. It's an idea I developed with a friend. He kind of came up with the concept and I came up with a script and the treatment and the ideas which have taken it this far. Apparently the head of development likes the title. I'm not sure how encouraged I should be by that information... but it's got to be good news, surely. Hasn't it.
I haven't touched my Comedy College script since I met with Mr Smoking Room Brian Dooley - bloody lovely fella by the way. Even if he did go to Cambridge. It needs a total rewrite, the next college residential is in two weeks when everyone comes to Manchester. More to be posted as I hear it.
Oh, and speaking of Cambridge I've been asked for sketches for a BBC2 pilot for an ex footlights member. Deadline next week... shit...
What's been taking my time up is a copywriting job I've taken to help pay the bills, AND writing stories for the Sunday Sport.
I have to say the Sport Newspapers took a bit of a battering recently. Since Tony Livesey left they've been all over the show, it's been through a few relaunches but circulation figures have kept dropping. I'm not bothered about the Daily Sport, that's a horrible paper, but the Sunday Sport was once an institution. Before it got loaded with ropey models and lowest common denominator sex stories it was a great funny read. And I'm glad to say it's gone back to form. It's filling out now with funny stories under the guidance of new editor Nick Appleyard, so I've been pitching a few funnies there to try and keep the wolf from the door.
Last week I managed to get a full page with: Taliban the musical to launch on broadway... songs include "I Tora Bora puddycat"
Other stories I got in were: teachers no longer allowed to teach 'English' as government deem it racist, claims leaked memo; Panda baiting - toffs banned from hunting foxes spend hundreds of thousands on sick new pastime buying endangered animals and pitching them into battle; and paedophile called Jeremy Kyle gets abusive letters from people thinking he's the chat show host.
I've just given them an idea about Osama Bin Laden sending Jonathan Ross a message of support (he's in a lot of trouble this week). They want 250 words...
Better get writing. Then off to Leicester Jongleurs for the weekend... huzzah!
Monday 20 October 2008
snowing on my shoulders
I have been struck down with a massive bout of dandruff. Seriously. It looks like Amy Winehouse has sneezed on my shoulders.
Off to meet Mr Smoking Room, Brian Dooley today. I haven't a clue what to expect to get out of it but I'm really looking forward to just sitting down and chatting about the script.
The monologue was well received. But... oh yes there's always a but, I'm going to chop it down and do a 15 minute version to see if it works. just because there are more 15 minute slots available on Radio 4 for 'new' writers.
I found out from the British Sitcom Guide that there is a new Radio 4 sketch show taking submissions. it's called 'Recorded For Training Purposes' and has communication of varying sorts as it's central theme. They're only taking three sketches off each person so I've thought of a few to send in. Although this week is Scallywagga deadline ... again so I should think of some more for that.
ho-hum
Off to meet Mr Smoking Room, Brian Dooley today. I haven't a clue what to expect to get out of it but I'm really looking forward to just sitting down and chatting about the script.
The monologue was well received. But... oh yes there's always a but, I'm going to chop it down and do a 15 minute version to see if it works. just because there are more 15 minute slots available on Radio 4 for 'new' writers.
I found out from the British Sitcom Guide that there is a new Radio 4 sketch show taking submissions. it's called 'Recorded For Training Purposes' and has communication of varying sorts as it's central theme. They're only taking three sketches off each person so I've thought of a few to send in. Although this week is Scallywagga deadline ... again so I should think of some more for that.
ho-hum
Thursday 16 October 2008
fat lad smoking marlboro
it's getting a bit nippy. So I've got the office door closed, which means poor Ruby is smudging the glass with her wet nose trying to get out at the squirrels.
I finally finished the monologue I've been writing. It's called Four More Days, and it's part of a series I want to pitch to Radio 4. Got to say I'm really happy with it. Happier than I've ever been with any piece of writing I've ever done. I'm actually a little bit proud of it. Which can mean only one thing - it's going to get ripped to shreds and no-one is going to like it. That seems to be the way of things. It's currently with Micheal Jacob. We shall see.
I met the Mighty Boosh at the weekend, they were doing a show at Sheffield Memorial Hall as was I. Albeit mine was in a much smaller room, with much less make-up. Well I say met. I nodded at them as I went outside for a fag.
Hundreds of girls with painted-green faces were all gathered by the stage door, presumably hoping for a glimpse of Julian and Noel.
Poor things, all they actually got was a glimpse of a fat lad smoking Marlboro.
I've been making some contacts in the copywriting world, because as it stands I have a baby to feed and relying on stand-up to make all the money I need is proving a bit stressful. So I'm going to make a foray into the world of writing news and features and press releases and ... stuff.
I've got a meeting with a lady tomorrow and with a PR/marketing company next week. So fingers crossed little Maggie might soon be able to eat. here she is by the way:
Yeah, look at her, she's starving.
I finally finished the monologue I've been writing. It's called Four More Days, and it's part of a series I want to pitch to Radio 4. Got to say I'm really happy with it. Happier than I've ever been with any piece of writing I've ever done. I'm actually a little bit proud of it. Which can mean only one thing - it's going to get ripped to shreds and no-one is going to like it. That seems to be the way of things. It's currently with Micheal Jacob. We shall see.
I met the Mighty Boosh at the weekend, they were doing a show at Sheffield Memorial Hall as was I. Albeit mine was in a much smaller room, with much less make-up. Well I say met. I nodded at them as I went outside for a fag.
Hundreds of girls with painted-green faces were all gathered by the stage door, presumably hoping for a glimpse of Julian and Noel.
Poor things, all they actually got was a glimpse of a fat lad smoking Marlboro.
I've been making some contacts in the copywriting world, because as it stands I have a baby to feed and relying on stand-up to make all the money I need is proving a bit stressful. So I'm going to make a foray into the world of writing news and features and press releases and ... stuff.
I've got a meeting with a lady tomorrow and with a PR/marketing company next week. So fingers crossed little Maggie might soon be able to eat. here she is by the way:
Yeah, look at her, she's starving.
Friday 10 October 2008
smoking
David and I have finished the murder/mystery/sketch show script. We're both feeling pretty bloody chuffed with it, and rightly so I think. it's good. I'm learning that I have to savour these brief moments of good will I feel towards a script, because it doesn't last long.
Anyway we've sent it to Matt at Channel K and he's going to put it forward for a Comedy Lab. So fingers crossed. It's out of our hands now.
I've been e-chatting with Brian Dooley, writer of The Smoking Room, who now works for Talkback Thames.
Micheal Jacob sent him the script I've written for Comedy College because he thought Brian would really get it. And he does, he says he likes it a lot. I'm going to go and meet him a week next Monday and hopefully he'll work with me on it. Or at least have some ideas.
I'm excited, I really, really liked The Smoking Room.
Anyway we've sent it to Matt at Channel K and he's going to put it forward for a Comedy Lab. So fingers crossed. It's out of our hands now.
I've been e-chatting with Brian Dooley, writer of The Smoking Room, who now works for Talkback Thames.
Micheal Jacob sent him the script I've written for Comedy College because he thought Brian would really get it. And he does, he says he likes it a lot. I'm going to go and meet him a week next Monday and hopefully he'll work with me on it. Or at least have some ideas.
I'm excited, I really, really liked The Smoking Room.
Tuesday 7 October 2008
Seaside Feel
Wish I could say I feel refreshed and relaxed after taking the weekend off, but I mixed Jack Daniels with white wine last night and I'm not feeling anything much other than slightly bilious.
It all got a bit mental last week so I never finished my monologue. Today I've got to tinker with a script David and I are submitting to Comedy Lab. It's a kind of murder mystery narrative sketch show with a seaside feel.
And you don't see many of those... maybe.
It all got a bit mental last week so I never finished my monologue. Today I've got to tinker with a script David and I are submitting to Comedy Lab. It's a kind of murder mystery narrative sketch show with a seaside feel.
And you don't see many of those... maybe.
Wednesday 1 October 2008
Deep Sea Fishing
Spoke with Hugo Blick this morning, at 9.30 on the dot. It was good. Informative. We spoke about Marion and Geoff, about The Last Word Monologues, about unreliable witnesses and about how monologues are bloody difficult to get right.
He likes to think of the lie first, to think of the destination where the story is going to finish - the reveal at the end - and kind of work backwards, but he doesn't plan stories as individual threads. because he's wary that then you might be able to 'see the wires'.
Then he thinks for a long time before writing anything. A couple of weeks just thinking. Stuff will appear which is instructive to the destination of the story. He calls that Deep Sea Fishing.
Hugo specialises in 'the unreliable witness.' Take Marion and Geoff, he said Rob Brydon already had the character of Keith Barret, but what made it work was turning him into a man who's lying but who doesn't seem to know that himself because he's in such a state of denial. Then when it comes down to the audience to be the facilitators of truth by reading between the lines that's what creates the lovely tension which works with Marion and Geoff.
Of The Final Word Monologues, he was wary to have crossed into Alan Bennett territory with the Sheila Hancock one. This was a woman who was very self aware and not like the unreliable witnesses he usually writes.
He went back to type for A Bit of Private Business with Bob Hoskins and Six Days One June, weith Rhys Ifans. Both of which were fantastic, if you haven't seen them, do. Each script took about six weeks from start to finish.
That's all I can tell you really. Last night I figured out exactly how my monologue should end. So I'm going to finish it, this week hopefully.
He likes to think of the lie first, to think of the destination where the story is going to finish - the reveal at the end - and kind of work backwards, but he doesn't plan stories as individual threads. because he's wary that then you might be able to 'see the wires'.
Then he thinks for a long time before writing anything. A couple of weeks just thinking. Stuff will appear which is instructive to the destination of the story. He calls that Deep Sea Fishing.
Hugo specialises in 'the unreliable witness.' Take Marion and Geoff, he said Rob Brydon already had the character of Keith Barret, but what made it work was turning him into a man who's lying but who doesn't seem to know that himself because he's in such a state of denial. Then when it comes down to the audience to be the facilitators of truth by reading between the lines that's what creates the lovely tension which works with Marion and Geoff.
Of The Final Word Monologues, he was wary to have crossed into Alan Bennett territory with the Sheila Hancock one. This was a woman who was very self aware and not like the unreliable witnesses he usually writes.
He went back to type for A Bit of Private Business with Bob Hoskins and Six Days One June, weith Rhys Ifans. Both of which were fantastic, if you haven't seen them, do. Each script took about six weeks from start to finish.
That's all I can tell you really. Last night I figured out exactly how my monologue should end. So I'm going to finish it, this week hopefully.
Tuesday 30 September 2008
cock and balls story
Well, that five days of summer we finally had in September has properly fucked off now hasn't it.
I'm sitting here in my office - a converted garage which looks out into the garden - the dog, Ruby, is sitting under a tree and staring maniacally into the branches because she thinks there might be a squirrel up there and she doesn't want to miss the opportunity to howl like a lunatic and throw herself at the fence if it appears.
I joined Weight Watchers last night. I felt good that I'd joined, so I got drunk to celebrate. Well, you get free beer tokens when gigging at the Iguana, it would have been a waste otherwise.
Interesting Iguana Bar fact: a few months ago scouse comic Brendan Riley was headlining the night when a punter stood on a table and started waving his testicles at the stage. Eye witnesses say they were enormous. Anyway, he was thrown out. Quite carefully I imagine. Whereupon - that's a great word isn't it - he decided to continue the show outside the large glass window by standing on a bin. And there he stayed, with his pants around his ankles and his bits swinging entertainingly until the police came and arrested him and gave him an £80 fine.
I've only ever known one person to wave their testicles in public and that was Simon Dean at the Sunday Sport Christmas party in 199... something. It was at Tatton Park, in a giant marquee made to look like the deck of a ship and a hundred tables. The MC announced the occupants of every table who cheered to hear their names as he read them out. Well, most of us cheered. When he announced us Simon Dean jumped on the table and waved his cock and balls at the rather shocked primary school teachers and solicitors firms sitting either side of us. Which was nice.
I got an email from Davina at BBC Comedy North yesterday. She likes an an online idea I sent, a very simple series of self-contained two minute sketches based on a character I've created called Steve Bishop. It's getting sent to the 'online exec' who will give a yes or a no. My money is on 'no'.
Things to do today...
Scallywagga sketches
Make weight watchers vegetable curry
prepare some questions for chat with HB tomorrow.
I'm sitting here in my office - a converted garage which looks out into the garden - the dog, Ruby, is sitting under a tree and staring maniacally into the branches because she thinks there might be a squirrel up there and she doesn't want to miss the opportunity to howl like a lunatic and throw herself at the fence if it appears.
I joined Weight Watchers last night. I felt good that I'd joined, so I got drunk to celebrate. Well, you get free beer tokens when gigging at the Iguana, it would have been a waste otherwise.
Interesting Iguana Bar fact: a few months ago scouse comic Brendan Riley was headlining the night when a punter stood on a table and started waving his testicles at the stage. Eye witnesses say they were enormous. Anyway, he was thrown out. Quite carefully I imagine. Whereupon - that's a great word isn't it - he decided to continue the show outside the large glass window by standing on a bin. And there he stayed, with his pants around his ankles and his bits swinging entertainingly until the police came and arrested him and gave him an £80 fine.
I've only ever known one person to wave their testicles in public and that was Simon Dean at the Sunday Sport Christmas party in 199... something. It was at Tatton Park, in a giant marquee made to look like the deck of a ship and a hundred tables. The MC announced the occupants of every table who cheered to hear their names as he read them out. Well, most of us cheered. When he announced us Simon Dean jumped on the table and waved his cock and balls at the rather shocked primary school teachers and solicitors firms sitting either side of us. Which was nice.
I got an email from Davina at BBC Comedy North yesterday. She likes an an online idea I sent, a very simple series of self-contained two minute sketches based on a character I've created called Steve Bishop. It's getting sent to the 'online exec' who will give a yes or a no. My money is on 'no'.
Things to do today...
Scallywagga sketches
Make weight watchers vegetable curry
prepare some questions for chat with HB tomorrow.
Monday 29 September 2008
Monday Monday
Yawn, crawled out of bed at 10am after David Isaac texted me telling me to get up as we have a meeting with Matt from Channel K about a sketch show we're working on.
So I got showered and dressed, optimistically put on shorts and a t-shirt. Silly move. Spent a few minutes with Maggie - who slept through again last night - and pottered off into town to meet David and Matt both at a lovely little coffee shop in the Northern Quarter, called Drip.
It's a nice place run by two women who I used to live next door to, the coffee is lush but the sandwiches... The sandwiches seem to have been made by someone who has no concept, whatsoever, of the the size and mechanics of the human mouth.
They're cut from thick Ciabatta sliced at acute angles which are then toasted to ensure the edges become razor sharp, making it impossible to bite into one without losing a lip.
We've got a brief to write a few things for the end of the week.
Last night I watched Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind - which I thought was excellent, if a little bit annoying.
I also watched one of The Last Word Monologues which Hugo Blick wrote for BBC1 recently. It was a big help actually. The one I watched last night was 29 minutes long, it was Bob Hoskins playing a hitman waiting for a victim. I worked it out that there were five different stories threaded throughout the monologue. I'd be interested to know if he plans each of these seperately, you know... six minutes a story... or if... I dunno. I'd have to plan them all seperately.
I think I'm starting to understand monologues now. I'm still interested to hear how he structures them. I'm calling him on Wednesday now at 9.30am.
Tonight I'm gigging at the Iguana Bar in Chorlton. It's an odd gig, it's run for years, God knows how, it's never a easy. I suppose it's testament to the love the punters and management have for Des Sharples the MC, and booker . Last time I was there someone threatened to batter me because I did a joke about ginger hair. The threat of physical violence can always add a certain frisson to a comedy show.
I think I've worked out what I need to do to my monologue. Shall I rewrite it or work on stuff for tonight??? I know I'll have a game of Call of Duty 4 and decide.
So I got showered and dressed, optimistically put on shorts and a t-shirt. Silly move. Spent a few minutes with Maggie - who slept through again last night - and pottered off into town to meet David and Matt both at a lovely little coffee shop in the Northern Quarter, called Drip.
It's a nice place run by two women who I used to live next door to, the coffee is lush but the sandwiches... The sandwiches seem to have been made by someone who has no concept, whatsoever, of the the size and mechanics of the human mouth.
They're cut from thick Ciabatta sliced at acute angles which are then toasted to ensure the edges become razor sharp, making it impossible to bite into one without losing a lip.
We've got a brief to write a few things for the end of the week.
Last night I watched Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind - which I thought was excellent, if a little bit annoying.
I also watched one of The Last Word Monologues which Hugo Blick wrote for BBC1 recently. It was a big help actually. The one I watched last night was 29 minutes long, it was Bob Hoskins playing a hitman waiting for a victim. I worked it out that there were five different stories threaded throughout the monologue. I'd be interested to know if he plans each of these seperately, you know... six minutes a story... or if... I dunno. I'd have to plan them all seperately.
I think I'm starting to understand monologues now. I'm still interested to hear how he structures them. I'm calling him on Wednesday now at 9.30am.
Tonight I'm gigging at the Iguana Bar in Chorlton. It's an odd gig, it's run for years, God knows how, it's never a easy. I suppose it's testament to the love the punters and management have for Des Sharples the MC, and booker . Last time I was there someone threatened to batter me because I did a joke about ginger hair. The threat of physical violence can always add a certain frisson to a comedy show.
I think I've worked out what I need to do to my monologue. Shall I rewrite it or work on stuff for tonight??? I know I'll have a game of Call of Duty 4 and decide.
Friday 26 September 2008
Get In!!!
Just got back from the rugby club gig, it was actually pretty bloody lovely. It really shouldn't have worked - the PA was non-existent, we were using a mike routed through the CD player or something so that it came out of odd little round speakers suspended in the false ceiling; the lighting was ... well they just turned them off really, and the stage... well, it was a table upon which they'd placed a stool and a lectern. Don't ask.
But against all odds, it was really nice.
Just got back home to find an email from Hugo Blick saying to call him about the monologues.. Brilliant. I will. Monday.
But against all odds, it was really nice.
Just got back home to find an email from Hugo Blick saying to call him about the monologues.. Brilliant. I will. Monday.
Alan Partridge is alive and well
And working at BBC West Midlands apparently.
This is a fantastic clip:
Les Ross and Hardeep Singh Kholi
This is a fantastic clip:
Les Ross and Hardeep Singh Kholi
Thursday 25 September 2008
the sound of one voice talking
I don't know why, but I thought writing a monologue was going to be easy.
I've been writing a monologue for the last couple of weeks. It's for an idea I want to pitch to Radio 4, and it's really been doing my head in, because now I've got into it, It's probably the most difficult bit of writing I've done.
I just kept hitting a dead end. I knew where the story was supposed to go, and I knew the other people who were involved in the story, who played an active role in the story, but I just wasn't able to write the story.
Via Micheal Jacob I sent an email to Hugo Blick, creator of Marion and Geoff and who has just done a season of Monologues on BBC1 recently asking him for any advice - he hasn't replied yet. Micheal came up with the suggestion that, as an exercise, I should write the story from the point of view of one of the other characters. Which I did and it helped me realise where I was going wrong.
Where I was going wrong was that I hadn't planned it properly. I was under the impression that a monlogue was one person talking in their own inimitable way about 'stuff' and touching upon elements of the story until finally you get to a conclusion or a denouemont. Silly pillock.
It's not. Because 'stuff' isn't really that interesting. What that would be, would be a 'rant.' A monologue has to be a story, and a bloody good story. It needs plotting as carefully as any narrative does. Even though you never hear from the characters mentioned throughout the story, you need to know every single one of them well enough that you would be able to write the whole thing from their point of view if needed. And it doesn't just need a beginning a middle and an end, it needs drama, it needs cliffhangers, it needs suspense and teases, it needs every little trick you can muster of to keep the reader reading or the listener listening, because the sound of just one voice talking can be a bit of a bore otherwise.
A massive help has been Alan Bennett's Talking Heads, series which I would recommend to anyone who, like me, is trying to write these bloody things for the first time. If you can suggest any others, please do. I'll be more than happy to check them out.
Anyway, I've now got my script to about 15 minutes, and I've done a second draft which I was happy with this afternoon, but I've just read it again and decided it's absolutely terrible. So I'm going to hide it in a drawer for a few days and see what happens.
I'm going to write some sketches because the Scallywagga series 2 deadline is pressing and I also want to send some stuff to School of Comedy (C4) and Wrong Door (BBC3), which thoroughly deserves a second series.
Tonight I'm gigging at a rugby club. It's going to be horrible, I can feel it. Not only is there nowhere to plug my guitar in but I'm following two really, really strong acts: John Scott and Anvil Springstein. I may very well die on my hole.
I've been writing a monologue for the last couple of weeks. It's for an idea I want to pitch to Radio 4, and it's really been doing my head in, because now I've got into it, It's probably the most difficult bit of writing I've done.
I just kept hitting a dead end. I knew where the story was supposed to go, and I knew the other people who were involved in the story, who played an active role in the story, but I just wasn't able to write the story.
Via Micheal Jacob I sent an email to Hugo Blick, creator of Marion and Geoff and who has just done a season of Monologues on BBC1 recently asking him for any advice - he hasn't replied yet. Micheal came up with the suggestion that, as an exercise, I should write the story from the point of view of one of the other characters. Which I did and it helped me realise where I was going wrong.
Where I was going wrong was that I hadn't planned it properly. I was under the impression that a monlogue was one person talking in their own inimitable way about 'stuff' and touching upon elements of the story until finally you get to a conclusion or a denouemont. Silly pillock.
It's not. Because 'stuff' isn't really that interesting. What that would be, would be a 'rant.' A monologue has to be a story, and a bloody good story. It needs plotting as carefully as any narrative does. Even though you never hear from the characters mentioned throughout the story, you need to know every single one of them well enough that you would be able to write the whole thing from their point of view if needed. And it doesn't just need a beginning a middle and an end, it needs drama, it needs cliffhangers, it needs suspense and teases, it needs every little trick you can muster of to keep the reader reading or the listener listening, because the sound of just one voice talking can be a bit of a bore otherwise.
A massive help has been Alan Bennett's Talking Heads, series which I would recommend to anyone who, like me, is trying to write these bloody things for the first time. If you can suggest any others, please do. I'll be more than happy to check them out.
Anyway, I've now got my script to about 15 minutes, and I've done a second draft which I was happy with this afternoon, but I've just read it again and decided it's absolutely terrible. So I'm going to hide it in a drawer for a few days and see what happens.
I'm going to write some sketches because the Scallywagga series 2 deadline is pressing and I also want to send some stuff to School of Comedy (C4) and Wrong Door (BBC3), which thoroughly deserves a second series.
Tonight I'm gigging at a rugby club. It's going to be horrible, I can feel it. Not only is there nowhere to plug my guitar in but I'm following two really, really strong acts: John Scott and Anvil Springstein. I may very well die on my hole.
Wednesday 24 September 2008
Take the money and run
Last night I went to do a stand-up gig in St Helens. But it wasn't any normal gig, oh no. this was a gig born of madness. It was a 'high-concept' comedy gig, the result of a feverish mind, a marketing exec and a need to fleece a local council of as much money as possible.
This was drink-up-stand-up. Part orf St Helens Comedy Festival... yes St Helens Comedy Festival. Who knew!!!
The idea is that during the course of a night a band of happy punters travel from pub to pub through the streets of St Helens - a town which boats a French restaurant called 'Le Frog' - and in each bar a comedian entertains them while they have a drink.
I was the first comedian in the first bar, a place called Zoo on Westfield Street, a long room where the audience were better lit than the stage and the only thought going through my head was whether or not the noise of my feet sticking and unsticking to the floor as I paced about was actually louder than the PA system.
Dan Nightingale was MCing. Bless him. At least I could take the money and run after performing 20 minutes to a mixture of tittering and staring. He had to lead the happy throng between bars like an hilarious Pied Piper cracking jokes through a megaphone as they went.
Still, at least it wasn't Bus-Stop-Stand-Up where they put punters on a bus and comedians perform a show for them as they drive around town. Yes, they honestly do this at St Helen's Comedy Festival.
Here's some more ideas for the marketing geniuses to consider.
Pit Stop Stand Up - Performed at the side of a race track. As many gags as you can squeeze into the 10 seconds it takes an F1 driver to have their tyres changed.
Lap-Dance-Stand-up - comedian gyrates erotically around a pole whilst pointing out the hilarious differences between dogs and cats.
Pick-Up-Stand-Up - comedians lighten the load for stressed out stranded motorists by sitting in the back of the rescue truck and cracking gags all the way home.
Wash-Up-Stand-up - comedians take the place of toilet attendants (Bog Goblins) and entertain visitors as well as passing them towels and spraying them with bootlegged cologne.
Get-Down-Stand-Up - disco classes but with an hilarious twist.
This was drink-up-stand-up. Part orf St Helens Comedy Festival... yes St Helens Comedy Festival. Who knew!!!
The idea is that during the course of a night a band of happy punters travel from pub to pub through the streets of St Helens - a town which boats a French restaurant called 'Le Frog' - and in each bar a comedian entertains them while they have a drink.
I was the first comedian in the first bar, a place called Zoo on Westfield Street, a long room where the audience were better lit than the stage and the only thought going through my head was whether or not the noise of my feet sticking and unsticking to the floor as I paced about was actually louder than the PA system.
Dan Nightingale was MCing. Bless him. At least I could take the money and run after performing 20 minutes to a mixture of tittering and staring. He had to lead the happy throng between bars like an hilarious Pied Piper cracking jokes through a megaphone as they went.
Still, at least it wasn't Bus-Stop-Stand-Up where they put punters on a bus and comedians perform a show for them as they drive around town. Yes, they honestly do this at St Helen's Comedy Festival.
Here's some more ideas for the marketing geniuses to consider.
Pit Stop Stand Up - Performed at the side of a race track. As many gags as you can squeeze into the 10 seconds it takes an F1 driver to have their tyres changed.
Lap-Dance-Stand-up - comedian gyrates erotically around a pole whilst pointing out the hilarious differences between dogs and cats.
Pick-Up-Stand-Up - comedians lighten the load for stressed out stranded motorists by sitting in the back of the rescue truck and cracking gags all the way home.
Wash-Up-Stand-up - comedians take the place of toilet attendants (Bog Goblins) and entertain visitors as well as passing them towels and spraying them with bootlegged cologne.
Get-Down-Stand-Up - disco classes but with an hilarious twist.
A new way to waste some time...
Hello, my name is John and I write and perform comedy. I've been doing stand-up for nearly seven years and not long ago I left my full-time job to concentrate on writing narrative comedy for TV and radio.
That means I've got to use stand-up to pay the bills. I have a house, a wife on maternity leave, a baby daughter, a dog and two cars. I'd better start being really funny.
That does not mean this is going to be a funny blog.
In fact I don't know what this blog is going to be. My original idea was that it could follow my fledgling comedy writers career, as I attempt to make something resembling a decent wage from it and maybe giving a bit of insight into the business from a new writers point of view.
What it will probably become wil be:
1. neglected
2. a new way to waste time when I should be working
3. very moany
4. tragic
5. desperate
6. all of the above.
we'll see.
That means I've got to use stand-up to pay the bills. I have a house, a wife on maternity leave, a baby daughter, a dog and two cars. I'd better start being really funny.
That does not mean this is going to be a funny blog.
In fact I don't know what this blog is going to be. My original idea was that it could follow my fledgling comedy writers career, as I attempt to make something resembling a decent wage from it and maybe giving a bit of insight into the business from a new writers point of view.
What it will probably become wil be:
1. neglected
2. a new way to waste time when I should be working
3. very moany
4. tragic
5. desperate
6. all of the above.
we'll see.
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