cock and balls story

Well, that five days of summer we finally had in September has properly fucked off now hasn't it.

I'm sitting here in my office - a converted garage which looks out into the garden - the dog, Ruby, is sitting under a tree and staring maniacally into the branches because she thinks there might be a squirrel up there and she doesn't want to miss the opportunity to howl like a lunatic and throw herself at the fence if it appears.

I joined Weight Watchers last night. I felt good that I'd joined, so I got drunk to celebrate. Well, you get free beer tokens when gigging at the Iguana, it would have been a waste otherwise.

Interesting Iguana Bar fact: a few months ago scouse comic Brendan Riley was headlining the night when a punter stood on a table and started waving his testicles at the stage. Eye witnesses say they were enormous. Anyway, he was thrown out. Quite carefully I imagine. Whereupon - that's a great word isn't it - he decided to continue the show outside the large glass window by standing on a bin. And there he stayed, with his pants around his ankles and his bits swinging entertainingly until the police came and arrested him and gave him an £80 fine.

I've only ever known one person to wave their testicles in public and that was Simon Dean at the Sunday Sport Christmas party in 199... something. It was at Tatton Park, in a giant marquee made to look like the deck of a ship and a hundred tables. The MC announced the occupants of every table who cheered to hear their names as he read them out. Well, most of us cheered. When he announced us Simon Dean jumped on the table and waved his cock and balls at the rather shocked primary school teachers and solicitors firms sitting either side of us. Which was nice.

I got an email from Davina at BBC Comedy North yesterday. She likes an an online idea I sent, a very simple series of self-contained two minute sketches based on a character I've created called Steve Bishop. It's getting sent to the 'online exec' who will give a yes or a no. My money is on 'no'.

Things to do today...
Scallywagga sketches
Make weight watchers vegetable curry
prepare some questions for chat with HB tomorrow.