Tuesday 26 May 2009

on the stocks

right, well..

Today I found out I have three days to re-write a script I thought I had three weeks to work on.

Which was a bit of a bugger.

But ... thankfully, thanks to some great suggestions from the exec, I did it all tonight. I had to make one part bigger because the head of comedy and the comedy commissioner have a certain person in mind for that role and they want it ... well, bigger. And yesterday.

So i started writing it blind. It's a good way to write. it's the most exciting way to write. But you can only do it if you know your characters.

I certainly know these fookers because I've been writing them for a year.

I love writing blind. You just start off with a pair of characters meeting, or a situation happening and because you know them so well they sort of write it for you. It's a beautiful moment. This is when you know your characters aren't just two-dimensional beings. This is when you find that every aspect of their made-up lives inform every line of dialogue. I know that sounds wanky, but it happens. It takes a lot of time and a lot of crap scripts before you get there but when you get there it is a great feeling.

I have to say that my project has shifted channels and as a result I think the chances of it getting made have been reduced. But I don't care. I honestly don't and that surprises even me.

There are two reasons for this.
1. I know it's a good piece of work, something I'm truly proud of and is a great thing to have on the stocks for the future.
2. read this interview with Simon Beaufoy: http://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/insight/simon_beaufoy.shtml
he's been through the mill and offers some sage advice.

Also today - I sent some final sketches over to Scallywagga (bbc3), rewrote a press release for a comms company and went for a meeting about being a writer on a muslim radio soap. I was initially very sceptical about it but... it sounds really, really good. So probably won't get offered it.

oh, and if anyone can think of a good title for a sitcom set in a pub, please post them below. If I use it and it gets made I will pay you whatever the rate is for that sort of thing. promise.

Sunday 17 May 2009

B*llocks to Alton Towers

I can't remember the last time I finished a book.

I've been reading The Grapes Of Wrath for what has to be over a year and I'm still only on page 103. It sits there next to the bed, sometimes it falls under it or down the side of it, but it's always close by. It never gets read because it always loses the mental toss-up which occurs at bedtime between reading or playing bejewelled on my phone.

I bought it when I was going through a bit of a Steinbeck phase. I read Cannery Row and Mice and Men. They were both great, contained fantastic characters, but most importantly I think... they were really quite short. Grapes of Wrath isn't.

I've dipped into other stuff while it has sat there. I've nearly finished a book about Fawlty Towers, but the writing made me angry; I read about 30% of Derren Brown's Tricks of The Mind, but gave up when it made me feel mentally lazy. I've dipped into a few Pratchetts, some 1940s plays, a book on directing, an Artemis Fowl adventure, some Alan Bennett, some Jeremy Clarkson a bit of Charlie Brooker, something called The Suspicions of Mr Whicher, a couple of comic book compilations, Sun Tzu's The Art of War, Machiavelli's The Prince and the fantastically named - Bollocks to Alton Towers.

I've not finished any of them. Apart from An Uncommon Reader by Alan Bennett which is about 90 pages long.

I don't know why, but I just don't seem able to finish a book these days. The last books I remember truly enjoying were the two Dirk Gently novels by Douglas Adams and The Wrong Boy by Willy Russell. Oh and I really enjoyed a brief journey into the world of Jasper Fford.

Oh... and The Da Vinci Code. I loved the Da Vinci Code.

If anyone can recommend me a good book then please do. Nothing too pretentious or wanky though.

Although if you do have a good book I can't imagine why you'd be reading this.

Away from reading and back to writing... I have ten minutes worth of sketches to write this week. I am planning to try and get all the first drafts done tomorrow and then along with tickling them throughout the week I am going to re-edit my film treatment. In fact I might have a little crack at that now. And then have an early night. Maybe with a book. Maybe I'll crack on with The Grapes of Wrath.

I'll probably play Bejewelled.

Friday 15 May 2009

Romance...

Funniest intro to a story I have ever read... HERE

Monday 11 May 2009

Screaming at strangers

On the suggestion of a friend I've made it so anyone can comment on blog posts. Meaning you don't have to sign up to Blogspot first.

It is three months and one day since I quit smoking. The cravings have abated and I no longer feeel like screaming at strangers. Which is nice.

I have to go now. I have a deadline of tomorrow to get a script finished before I can start on the sketches I should have done last week.

Still got that horrible taste in my mouth.

Sunday 10 May 2009

what a cock

Oh...

I'm a proper writer now. I've had a panic attack.

I genuinely thought I was going to die.

It happened like this -

It had been a very mellow week, I'd been working hard on a script which goes in for offers soon, and was happy with the way it was going. The garden was looking nice even though I bought an allotment size bundle of lettuces I found places for most of them - one is even planted in an old shoe. Maggie is developing a real personality, I got a new commission for some sketches and things were just generally going nicely.

On wednesday I went to my favourite shop in the world the Unicorn Grocers in Chorlton Cum Hardy and bought some lovely organic veg and the biggest bag of pine kernels I have ever seen. I polished the lot of them off after drinking lots of beer in Leeds where I'd been to a Q&A with Jeremy Dyson, Phil Mealey and Micheal Jacob.

On thursday I'm reading - for research purposes - that a metallic taste in your mouth is sometimes experienced as a precursor to a heart attack or a stroke.

Anyway Friday I'm off to meet a pal in a nice restaurant in Altrincham, his treat, to chat about comedy writing. Not seen each other for a while. I was looking forward to it... until...

A metallic taste appeared in my mouth. It was definitely there. I couldn't do anything to shift it. I tried mouthwash, drinks, citrus fruit. It would not go.

I didn't want to google the problem because that's just bloody well asking for trouble isn't it.

I went to meet my mate and was eating a starter of sardines on toast when it came back. Stronger. I started to feel woozy, putting two and two together and coming up with IMMINENT DEATH. I thought - this is it. The years of boozing and smoking have caught up with me. I made my excuses and left without even touching the main course. I went home and crawled into bed to sleep hoping when I awoke the taste would be gone.

It wasn't. Nor was it on Saturday morning. Or Sunday. It's still there now. It's horrible. But I'm not that bothered by it any more. Not since I found this on wikipedia:

Risks of eating pine nuts:

The eating of pine nuts can cause serious taste disturbances, developing 1-3 days after consumption and lasting for days or weeks. A bitter, metallic taste is described. In general, a minority of pine nuts on the market present this problem. Though very unpleasant, there does not seem to be a real health concern.

(Note - there are hundreds of other much more common reasons why someone might have a metallic taste in thier mouths. I post this information for peoiple who are as paranoid as I am)