what a cock

Oh...

I'm a proper writer now. I've had a panic attack.

I genuinely thought I was going to die.

It happened like this -

It had been a very mellow week, I'd been working hard on a script which goes in for offers soon, and was happy with the way it was going. The garden was looking nice even though I bought an allotment size bundle of lettuces I found places for most of them - one is even planted in an old shoe. Maggie is developing a real personality, I got a new commission for some sketches and things were just generally going nicely.

On wednesday I went to my favourite shop in the world the Unicorn Grocers in Chorlton Cum Hardy and bought some lovely organic veg and the biggest bag of pine kernels I have ever seen. I polished the lot of them off after drinking lots of beer in Leeds where I'd been to a Q&A with Jeremy Dyson, Phil Mealey and Micheal Jacob.

On thursday I'm reading - for research purposes - that a metallic taste in your mouth is sometimes experienced as a precursor to a heart attack or a stroke.

Anyway Friday I'm off to meet a pal in a nice restaurant in Altrincham, his treat, to chat about comedy writing. Not seen each other for a while. I was looking forward to it... until...

A metallic taste appeared in my mouth. It was definitely there. I couldn't do anything to shift it. I tried mouthwash, drinks, citrus fruit. It would not go.

I didn't want to google the problem because that's just bloody well asking for trouble isn't it.

I went to meet my mate and was eating a starter of sardines on toast when it came back. Stronger. I started to feel woozy, putting two and two together and coming up with IMMINENT DEATH. I thought - this is it. The years of boozing and smoking have caught up with me. I made my excuses and left without even touching the main course. I went home and crawled into bed to sleep hoping when I awoke the taste would be gone.

It wasn't. Nor was it on Saturday morning. Or Sunday. It's still there now. It's horrible. But I'm not that bothered by it any more. Not since I found this on wikipedia:

Risks of eating pine nuts:
The eating of pine nuts can cause serious taste disturbances, developing 1-3 days after consumption and lasting for days or weeks. A bitter, metallic taste is described. In general, a minority of pine nuts on the market present this problem. Though very unpleasant, there does not seem to be a real health concern.

(Note - there are hundreds of other much more common reasons why someone might have a metallic taste in thier mouths. I post this information for peoiple who are as paranoid as I am)