ta-da!!!

oh, here it is... my page from last week...

I Tora Bora Puddytat

Bloody hell... I knew I'd let it slide. The thing is I've been really, really busy. which is good. And Blogs are essentially something people with too much time on their hands do. So I've not been doing it. It's always been there though. niggling at the back of my mind. Bloody thing.

Right what's happened? David has been commissioned for a series of Admin. It's gone to his head. He's already started wearing sunglasses at night and answering his front door naked. We're working with some girls developing a script we want to stage as a live show, but ultimately pitch as a sitcom. They are all mental. Seriously. Nice, but mental.

BBC Comedy North have finally decided that we're going to film a couple of the internet shorts I wrote about a man called Steve Bishop who is looking for the love of his life. Which will be nice. I'm to play Steve, but half of one of my eyebrows is missing at the moment after I had an OCD moment the other day and couldn't stop picking it. I know. disgusting. I'm going to have to wait for that to grow back.

The monologue I pained and groaned about has gone off to Radio 4. It's an idea I developed with a friend. He kind of came up with the concept and I came up with a script and the treatment and the ideas which have taken it this far. Apparently the head of development likes the title. I'm not sure how encouraged I should be by that information... but it's got to be good news, surely. Hasn't it.

I haven't touched my Comedy College script since I met with Mr Smoking Room Brian Dooley - bloody lovely fella by the way. Even if he did go to Cambridge. It needs a total rewrite, the next college residential is in two weeks when everyone comes to Manchester. More to be posted as I hear it.

Oh, and speaking of Cambridge I've been asked for sketches for a BBC2 pilot for an ex footlights member. Deadline next week... shit...

What's been taking my time up is a copywriting job I've taken to help pay the bills, AND writing stories for the Sunday Sport.

I have to say the Sport Newspapers took a bit of a battering recently. Since Tony Livesey left they've been all over the show, it's been through a few relaunches but circulation figures have kept dropping. I'm not bothered about the Daily Sport, that's a horrible paper, but the Sunday Sport was once an institution. Before it got loaded with ropey models and lowest common denominator sex stories it was a great funny read. And I'm glad to say it's gone back to form. It's filling out now with funny stories under the guidance of new editor Nick Appleyard, so I've been pitching a few funnies there to try and keep the wolf from the door.

Last week I managed to get a full page with: Taliban the musical to launch on broadway... songs include "I Tora Bora puddycat"

Other stories I got in were: teachers no longer allowed to teach 'English' as government deem it racist, claims leaked memo; Panda baiting - toffs banned from hunting foxes spend hundreds of thousands on sick new pastime buying endangered animals and pitching them into battle; and paedophile called Jeremy Kyle gets abusive letters from people thinking he's the chat show host.

I've just given them an idea about Osama Bin Laden sending Jonathan Ross a message of support (he's in a lot of trouble this week). They want 250 words...

Better get writing. Then off to Leicester Jongleurs for the weekend... huzzah!

snowing on my shoulders

I have been struck down with a massive bout of dandruff. Seriously. It looks like Amy Winehouse has sneezed on my shoulders.

Off to meet Mr Smoking Room, Brian Dooley today. I haven't a clue what to expect to get out of it but I'm really looking forward to just sitting down and chatting about the script.

The monologue was well received. But... oh yes there's always a but, I'm going to chop it down and do a 15 minute version to see if it works. just because there are more 15 minute slots available on Radio 4 for 'new' writers.

I found out from the British Sitcom Guide that there is a new Radio 4 sketch show taking submissions. it's called 'Recorded For Training Purposes' and has communication of varying sorts as it's central theme. They're only taking three sketches off each person so I've thought of a few to send in. Although this week is Scallywagga deadline ... again so I should think of some more for that.

ho-hum

fat lad smoking marlboro

it's getting a bit nippy. So I've got the office door closed, which means poor Ruby is smudging the glass with her wet nose trying to get out at the squirrels.



I finally finished the monologue I've been writing. It's called Four More Days, and it's part of a series I want to pitch to Radio 4. Got to say I'm really happy with it. Happier than I've ever been with any piece of writing I've ever done. I'm actually a little bit proud of it. Which can mean only one thing - it's going to get ripped to shreds and no-one is going to like it. That seems to be the way of things. It's currently with Micheal Jacob. We shall see.

I met the Mighty Boosh at the weekend, they were doing a show at Sheffield Memorial Hall as was I. Albeit mine was in a much smaller room, with much less make-up. Well I say met. I nodded at them as I went outside for a fag.

Hundreds of girls with painted-green faces were all gathered by the stage door, presumably hoping for a glimpse of Julian and Noel.

Poor things, all they actually got was a glimpse of a fat lad smoking Marlboro.

I've been making some contacts in the copywriting world, because as it stands I have a baby to feed and relying on stand-up to make all the money I need is proving a bit stressful. So I'm going to make a foray into the world of writing news and features and press releases and ... stuff.

I've got a meeting with a lady tomorrow and with a PR/marketing company next week. So fingers crossed little Maggie might soon be able to eat. here she is by the way:


Yeah, look at her, she's starving.

smoking

David and I have finished the murder/mystery/sketch show script. We're both feeling pretty bloody chuffed with it, and rightly so I think. it's good. I'm learning that I have to savour these brief moments of good will I feel towards a script, because it doesn't last long.

Anyway we've sent it to Matt at Channel K and he's going to put it forward for a Comedy Lab. So fingers crossed. It's out of our hands now.

I've been e-chatting with Brian Dooley, writer of The Smoking Room, who now works for Talkback Thames.

Micheal Jacob sent him the script I've written for Comedy College because he thought Brian would really get it. And he does, he says he likes it a lot. I'm going to go and meet him a week next Monday and hopefully he'll work with me on it. Or at least have some ideas.

I'm excited, I really, really liked The Smoking Room.

Seaside Feel

Wish I could say I feel refreshed and relaxed after taking the weekend off, but I mixed Jack Daniels with white wine last night and I'm not feeling anything much other than slightly bilious.

It all got a bit mental last week so I never finished my monologue. Today I've got to tinker with a script David and I are submitting to Comedy Lab. It's a kind of murder mystery narrative sketch show with a seaside feel.

And you don't see many of those... maybe.

Deep Sea Fishing

Spoke with Hugo Blick this morning, at 9.30 on the dot. It was good. Informative. We spoke about Marion and Geoff, about The Last Word Monologues, about unreliable witnesses and about how monologues are bloody difficult to get right.

He likes to think of the lie first, to think of the destination where the story is going to finish - the reveal at the end - and kind of work backwards, but he doesn't plan stories as individual threads. because he's wary that then you might be able to 'see the wires'.

Then he thinks for a long time before writing anything. A couple of weeks just thinking. Stuff will appear which is instructive to the destination of the story. He calls that Deep Sea Fishing.

Hugo specialises in 'the unreliable witness.' Take Marion and Geoff, he said Rob Brydon already had the character of Keith Barret, but what made it work was turning him into a man who's lying but who doesn't seem to know that himself because he's in such a state of denial. Then when it comes down to the audience to be the facilitators of truth by reading between the lines that's what creates the lovely tension which works with Marion and Geoff.

Of The Final Word Monologues, he was wary to have crossed into Alan Bennett territory with the Sheila Hancock one. This was a woman who was very self aware and not like the unreliable witnesses he usually writes.

He went back to type for A Bit of Private Business with Bob Hoskins and Six Days One June, weith Rhys Ifans. Both of which were fantastic, if you haven't seen them, do. Each script took about six weeks from start to finish.

That's all I can tell you really. Last night I figured out exactly how my monologue should end. So I'm going to finish it, this week hopefully.