Possibly the wrongest thing I have ever seen, and quite simply the worst cover version ever done of anything.
Imagine the Osmonds doing Smack My Bitch Up and then multiply it by Joe Dolce.
Anyway here are Take That, doing Smells Like Teen Spirit...
I know!!!
Wednesday, 24 June 2009
Friday, 19 June 2009
bugger
I had a brilliant idea.
I was reading the other day that when you own your house you own all the sky above it and all the earth below. And that got me thinking... I wonder who lives underneath me. If I was to start digging and carry on through the mantle, the molten core until I popped out the other side... where would I emerge?
Would it be in the garden of some south pacific tribesman or the back yard of a New Zealand sheep farmer. Would I arrive triumphant in a Japanese palace or at an outback barbie.
Who is my neighbour?
I decided to find out. Not only to find out, but once I had found out I decided that thhe neighbourly thing to do would be to go and visit them.
I mean come on, what a great story. I could get an Edinburgh show, a book and probably an hour of telly out of that.
So after lots of scratching of head and fiddling of google earth I made contact with a lady who told me how to calculate my antipode. So I did. And it's slap bang in the middle of the South Pacific.
Bugger.
I was reading the other day that when you own your house you own all the sky above it and all the earth below. And that got me thinking... I wonder who lives underneath me. If I was to start digging and carry on through the mantle, the molten core until I popped out the other side... where would I emerge?
Would it be in the garden of some south pacific tribesman or the back yard of a New Zealand sheep farmer. Would I arrive triumphant in a Japanese palace or at an outback barbie.
Who is my neighbour?
I decided to find out. Not only to find out, but once I had found out I decided that thhe neighbourly thing to do would be to go and visit them.
I mean come on, what a great story. I could get an Edinburgh show, a book and probably an hour of telly out of that.
So after lots of scratching of head and fiddling of google earth I made contact with a lady who told me how to calculate my antipode. So I did. And it's slap bang in the middle of the South Pacific.
Bugger.
Monday, 8 June 2009
bar hinge
Yawn... monday. What a start to the week.
The dog is going mad because it's a full moon and my lovely little daughter farted at me while I was changing her nappy.
which was nice.
Bit of a mental week this week. I'm planning to be off next week so I've got to finish a load of Scallywagga rewrites and do about 50 links for a new Dragons Den show on Beeb 2.
And then, possibly, if I get chance, spend a couple of hours making up an amusing commentary for an ITV show called "... Do The Funniest Things" for absolutely no money at all.
The kind people at Granada say that if I can make them laugh then they will give me the chance to go head to head with dozens of other writers all trying to make funnies for the same two-minute clips. The producer then cherry picks the best and the lucky chosen writer gets... £50 for their efforts.
Not sure I'm going to be able to get round to it.
Elsewhere... had some good feedback on my sitcom from the channel controller. Not good enough to give it a pilot, but good in that he liked the characters, the comedy and even the title - sorry Dan not yours. Got some very specific notes and so it's rewrite time again.
Wife has just rung me from John Lewis. We're getting a new toilet seat. One witha bar hinge apparently.
The dog is going mad because it's a full moon and my lovely little daughter farted at me while I was changing her nappy.
which was nice.
Bit of a mental week this week. I'm planning to be off next week so I've got to finish a load of Scallywagga rewrites and do about 50 links for a new Dragons Den show on Beeb 2.
And then, possibly, if I get chance, spend a couple of hours making up an amusing commentary for an ITV show called "... Do The Funniest Things" for absolutely no money at all.
The kind people at Granada say that if I can make them laugh then they will give me the chance to go head to head with dozens of other writers all trying to make funnies for the same two-minute clips. The producer then cherry picks the best and the lucky chosen writer gets... £50 for their efforts.
Not sure I'm going to be able to get round to it.
Elsewhere... had some good feedback on my sitcom from the channel controller. Not good enough to give it a pilot, but good in that he liked the characters, the comedy and even the title - sorry Dan not yours. Got some very specific notes and so it's rewrite time again.
Wife has just rung me from John Lewis. We're getting a new toilet seat. One witha bar hinge apparently.
Tuesday, 26 May 2009
on the stocks
right, well..
Today I found out I have three days to re-write a script I thought I had three weeks to work on.
Which was a bit of a bugger.
But ... thankfully, thanks to some great suggestions from the exec, I did it all tonight. I had to make one part bigger because the head of comedy and the comedy commissioner have a certain person in mind for that role and they want it ... well, bigger. And yesterday.
So i started writing it blind. It's a good way to write. it's the most exciting way to write. But you can only do it if you know your characters.
I certainly know these fookers because I've been writing them for a year.
I love writing blind. You just start off with a pair of characters meeting, or a situation happening and because you know them so well they sort of write it for you. It's a beautiful moment. This is when you know your characters aren't just two-dimensional beings. This is when you find that every aspect of their made-up lives inform every line of dialogue. I know that sounds wanky, but it happens. It takes a lot of time and a lot of crap scripts before you get there but when you get there it is a great feeling.
I have to say that my project has shifted channels and as a result I think the chances of it getting made have been reduced. But I don't care. I honestly don't and that surprises even me.
There are two reasons for this.
1. I know it's a good piece of work, something I'm truly proud of and is a great thing to have on the stocks for the future.
2. read this interview with Simon Beaufoy: http://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/insight/simon_beaufoy.shtml
he's been through the mill and offers some sage advice.
Also today - I sent some final sketches over to Scallywagga (bbc3), rewrote a press release for a comms company and went for a meeting about being a writer on a muslim radio soap. I was initially very sceptical about it but... it sounds really, really good. So probably won't get offered it.
oh, and if anyone can think of a good title for a sitcom set in a pub, please post them below. If I use it and it gets made I will pay you whatever the rate is for that sort of thing. promise.
Today I found out I have three days to re-write a script I thought I had three weeks to work on.
Which was a bit of a bugger.
But ... thankfully, thanks to some great suggestions from the exec, I did it all tonight. I had to make one part bigger because the head of comedy and the comedy commissioner have a certain person in mind for that role and they want it ... well, bigger. And yesterday.
So i started writing it blind. It's a good way to write. it's the most exciting way to write. But you can only do it if you know your characters.
I certainly know these fookers because I've been writing them for a year.
I love writing blind. You just start off with a pair of characters meeting, or a situation happening and because you know them so well they sort of write it for you. It's a beautiful moment. This is when you know your characters aren't just two-dimensional beings. This is when you find that every aspect of their made-up lives inform every line of dialogue. I know that sounds wanky, but it happens. It takes a lot of time and a lot of crap scripts before you get there but when you get there it is a great feeling.
I have to say that my project has shifted channels and as a result I think the chances of it getting made have been reduced. But I don't care. I honestly don't and that surprises even me.
There are two reasons for this.
1. I know it's a good piece of work, something I'm truly proud of and is a great thing to have on the stocks for the future.
2. read this interview with Simon Beaufoy: http://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/insight/simon_beaufoy.shtml
he's been through the mill and offers some sage advice.
Also today - I sent some final sketches over to Scallywagga (bbc3), rewrote a press release for a comms company and went for a meeting about being a writer on a muslim radio soap. I was initially very sceptical about it but... it sounds really, really good. So probably won't get offered it.
oh, and if anyone can think of a good title for a sitcom set in a pub, please post them below. If I use it and it gets made I will pay you whatever the rate is for that sort of thing. promise.
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
Wordle
Sunday, 17 May 2009
B*llocks to Alton Towers
I can't remember the last time I finished a book.
I've been reading The Grapes Of Wrath for what has to be over a year and I'm still only on page 103. It sits there next to the bed, sometimes it falls under it or down the side of it, but it's always close by. It never gets read because it always loses the mental toss-up which occurs at bedtime between reading or playing bejewelled on my phone.
I bought it when I was going through a bit of a Steinbeck phase. I read Cannery Row and Mice and Men. They were both great, contained fantastic characters, but most importantly I think... they were really quite short. Grapes of Wrath isn't.
I've dipped into other stuff while it has sat there. I've nearly finished a book about Fawlty Towers, but the writing made me angry; I read about 30% of Derren Brown's Tricks of The Mind, but gave up when it made me feel mentally lazy. I've dipped into a few Pratchetts, some 1940s plays, a book on directing, an Artemis Fowl adventure, some Alan Bennett, some Jeremy Clarkson a bit of Charlie Brooker, something called The Suspicions of Mr Whicher, a couple of comic book compilations, Sun Tzu's The Art of War, Machiavelli's The Prince and the fantastically named - Bollocks to Alton Towers.
I've not finished any of them. Apart from An Uncommon Reader by Alan Bennett which is about 90 pages long.
I don't know why, but I just don't seem able to finish a book these days. The last books I remember truly enjoying were the two Dirk Gently novels by Douglas Adams and The Wrong Boy by Willy Russell. Oh and I really enjoyed a brief journey into the world of Jasper Fford.
Oh... and The Da Vinci Code. I loved the Da Vinci Code.
If anyone can recommend me a good book then please do. Nothing too pretentious or wanky though.
Although if you do have a good book I can't imagine why you'd be reading this.
Away from reading and back to writing... I have ten minutes worth of sketches to write this week. I am planning to try and get all the first drafts done tomorrow and then along with tickling them throughout the week I am going to re-edit my film treatment. In fact I might have a little crack at that now. And then have an early night. Maybe with a book. Maybe I'll crack on with The Grapes of Wrath.
I'll probably play Bejewelled.
I've been reading The Grapes Of Wrath for what has to be over a year and I'm still only on page 103. It sits there next to the bed, sometimes it falls under it or down the side of it, but it's always close by. It never gets read because it always loses the mental toss-up which occurs at bedtime between reading or playing bejewelled on my phone.
I bought it when I was going through a bit of a Steinbeck phase. I read Cannery Row and Mice and Men. They were both great, contained fantastic characters, but most importantly I think... they were really quite short. Grapes of Wrath isn't.
I've dipped into other stuff while it has sat there. I've nearly finished a book about Fawlty Towers, but the writing made me angry; I read about 30% of Derren Brown's Tricks of The Mind, but gave up when it made me feel mentally lazy. I've dipped into a few Pratchetts, some 1940s plays, a book on directing, an Artemis Fowl adventure, some Alan Bennett, some Jeremy Clarkson a bit of Charlie Brooker, something called The Suspicions of Mr Whicher, a couple of comic book compilations, Sun Tzu's The Art of War, Machiavelli's The Prince and the fantastically named - Bollocks to Alton Towers.
I've not finished any of them. Apart from An Uncommon Reader by Alan Bennett which is about 90 pages long.
I don't know why, but I just don't seem able to finish a book these days. The last books I remember truly enjoying were the two Dirk Gently novels by Douglas Adams and The Wrong Boy by Willy Russell. Oh and I really enjoyed a brief journey into the world of Jasper Fford.
Oh... and The Da Vinci Code. I loved the Da Vinci Code.
If anyone can recommend me a good book then please do. Nothing too pretentious or wanky though.
Although if you do have a good book I can't imagine why you'd be reading this.
Away from reading and back to writing... I have ten minutes worth of sketches to write this week. I am planning to try and get all the first drafts done tomorrow and then along with tickling them throughout the week I am going to re-edit my film treatment. In fact I might have a little crack at that now. And then have an early night. Maybe with a book. Maybe I'll crack on with The Grapes of Wrath.
I'll probably play Bejewelled.
Friday, 15 May 2009
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